


The school records of Horitsuba

by TrueDespair



Category: Shiritsu Horitsuba Gakuen
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-11-25
Updated: 2012-12-09
Packaged: 2017-11-19 12:44:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/573398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TrueDespair/pseuds/TrueDespair
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A series of funny oneshots involving our favorite characters at the Horitsuba Academy. School life will never be the same. -Ongoing-</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Fake, Fake, Fake!

**Fake, Fake, Fake!**

* * *

It was the best prank that Fai has ever thought of…it was also the  _last_  prank he will ever do for a long time. However in his opinion…it was well worth it.

It was during spring break in the Horitsuba Academy and Kurogane, the gym teacher was away on vacation (for one reason or another). However that made a very bubbly chemistry Teacher very sad…and bored. So after hours of just watching television, he came up with an idea.

He ran to the home computer and signed up on his account of Facebook.

He heard the door open as Yuui walked into the house with a few bags. "Hello? Brother, are you home?"

"I'm here~!" Fai called out as he was on the screen; checking for friend updates and soon-to-be birthdays. "I'm just on the computer~!" He heard Yuui making a noise of acknowledgement before the sounds of footsteps were heard on the tiles of their kitchen. He then grinned as he clicked on his status. "Now then, let the fun begin."

**Fai (SexyKitty66)**

_Changed his status from "Single" to "In a relationship"_

_**0 seconds ago*Like*Comment** _

Then the chemistry teacher just sat back and let the internet do the magic.

Sure enough; after just two minutes later….

**2 mins ago* 18 likes* comment**

He grinned. "My my, It seems that I have friends who care about my status~!" He looked at who wanted to comment on his changed status.

**Sakura (PinkPrincess)**

_Is it true Fai-sensei? You found someone?_

Fai could only chuckle at the innocent girl's question. All the more reason to spice it up a bit.

**Fai (SexyKitty66)**

_Yep, it's true~! I found someone to love~!_

Then before he knew it more people decided to join.

**Syaoran (AsianFighter)**

_Wow, Fai-sensei! That's good to hear._

**Himawari (SunflowerGal)**

_I'm so happy for you Fai-sensei!_

**Doumeki (PriestWarrior)**

_Cool._

**Watanuki (ChefMaster)**

_DON'T WASTE SPACE ON THAT ONE WORD COMMENT! THERE ARE SOME PEOPLE WHO ACTUALLY WANT TO HEAR MORE FROM YOU!_

…

_And congratulations, Fai-sensei._

Fai had to laugh at that. Watanuki was always on Doumeki's case on his lack of speaking. A man of few words people would call him. Then the latest comment finally asked the question he was waiting for.

**Syaoron (Doppelgangerfighter)**

_That's great Fai-sensei. But who's the lucky person who has swept you off your feet?_

At last; to put his plan in place.

**Fai (SexyKitty66)**

_It's…._

* * *

[ _Dinnertime_ ]

Yuui was confused to say the least when Fai came skipping to the table; humming as he came. "Well you're in a better mood then usual; did something happen?"

Fai happily sat at the table as he helped himself to a bowl of mash potatoes. "Oh nothing~! Just a couple of friends on Facebook. Sakura got a new kitty sweater today~! I'm so happy for her~!"

The younger twin smiled as he nodded. "That's nice. I always thought she was a cat person anyway. Roast beef?"

"Yes please~!"

Yuui chuckled as he sat at the table. "I wonder when Kurogane will come back from his trip." He cut a steamed carrot in half as he took a bite. While he was eating he failed to notice Fai's evil smirk at the other end. When he  _did_ notice him, all he saw was a bright smile.

"I wonder too~! It's been so lonely with big doggy around to hang out with~! I do hope he comes back soon~!" On the inside though, he was racking with dark laughter.  _'I can't wait to see the look on Kuro's face when school starts again.'_

The rest of dinner went without any incident.

* * *

[ _Some time later_ ]

Kurogane entered the front doors of the academy with less of a foul mood than usual. His vacation went without any problems and the best part was that the annoying blonde teacher didn't pester him with constant calls, texts or e-mails. However his guard was up. He found it odd that Fai  _didn't_  pester him during his vacation which led him to one conclusion.

The moron has done something bad while he was gone.

He looked around the academy to see if that blonde teacher did anything to the building. After not finding anything out of the ordinary, he then shrugged. He figured since Fai lived with Yuui; it was impossible for the idiot to actually do anything without the younger twin knowing.

With a sigh, he went to his office.

* * *

[ _Later that day_ ]

There was a knock at the door.

Kurogane glanced up from his paperwork and sighed. "Come in." He then blinked in surprise as he saw a huge group of girls with gifts and cards in their hands. He raised an eyebrow. "What's this? It's not my birthday."

One of the girls giggled. "Oh you know."

"Uh…no I don't" Kurogane responded. "So I ask you again; what's this?"

Another girl giggled as she stepped forward and hand him a card. "I think this will refresh your memory~!"

Skeptical, Kurogane took the card and opened it.

_Congratulations on your new-found relationship with Fai-sensei~!_

In a mere moment; he shut down. He read that sentence over and over again to comprehend the whole thing.

_Congratulations on your new-found relationship with Fai-sensei~!_

_your new-found relationship with Fai-sensei~!_

_your new-found relationship_

_new-found relationship_

_relationship_

"Re-Re-Relationship?" Kurogane said in an unusually high pitch. This doesn't make sense. He was on vacation. A freaking vacation! How the hell did this happen? Then it clicked. Why Fai hasn't pestered him. He glared at the card.

" _ **Where's Fai-sensei? I want to talk to him about something**_."

The girls before him shuddered at the cold temperature and the oddly dark voice the gym teacher has taken. They didn't want to answer but if they didn't; they too will feel his wrath.

"Um….h-he's walking to his classroom right now…why do you ask?"

* * *

"So that status was fake."

Fai nodded. "Yup~! 100 percent untrue~!" He and Syaoran were walking to the science lab while holding a stack of paper that were graded tests. "I even got some girls to give him gifts and cards to complete it. Isn't that awesome of me~?"

Syaoran nervously chuckled. "I wouldn't call it 'awesome' Fai-sensei but that was a pretty good prank. You had all of us going for a while." He glanced back as the pair continued walking. "But I shudder to know what Kurogane-sensei's going to do when he finds yo—FAI! LOOK OUT!"

Fai turned his head. "Hmm~? What's that Sya—"

_**BAM!** _

* * *

Getting hit with a volleyball wasn't what Fai expected from Kurogane; in fact he was expected something worse.

 Though as soon he regained consciousness; He promised Yuui (who both helped him to the infirmary and along with other people waited by his bed) not to play pranks on the gym teacher again.

However, his memory seems to have had some issues.

He failed to tell Kurogane that he hacked into his account as well.

Guess who's has a baby with him?

 

* * *

**END**

* * *

Weird huh? XD


	2. Texting

  
**Disclaimer:** Don't own them, never will *Inspired by a website called "Texts From Last Night"*

**Enjoy~!**

* * *

**Texting**

* * *

_**From Fai to Yuui:** _

_Yuui~! That was some party last night~! I wish I knew everyone who was there~! Oh by the way…why are there tons of stuffed doggies around and on my bed~?_

_**From Yuui to Fai:** _

_You got scared of a cat that thanks to alcohol was looking like a huge cat[monster](http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6604148/2/The-School-Records-of-Horitsuba) and you needed protection. Don't worry, it's all on camera._

* * *

_**From Tomoyo to Sakura** _

_Sakura, what's wrong? You looked kinda flustered in second period. Did something happen?_

_**From Sakura to Tomoyo** _

_Um…I overslept today and rushed throughout my whole house and[to school](http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6604148/2/The-School-Records-of-Horitsuba). I made it on time but as I walked in, the guys in my class started staring and blushing at me. I looked down and realized that I wore a see-through shirt…and…I wasn't wearing a bra underneath!_

_**From Tomoyo to Sakura.** _

_Oh dear! I'm very sorry to hear that! Did you get in trouble?_

_**From Sakura to Tomoyo** _

_Well no…but I think I scared Syaoran for life._

_**From Tomoyo to Sakura** _

_No offense dearie, but that's nothing new._

* * *

_**From Kurogane to Doumeki** _

_God what a night we had! The most freaking peaceful night I have ever had!_

_**From Doumeki to Kurogane** _

_Yeah._

_**From Kurogane to Doumeki** _

_You know, you're possibly the only person I can freaking tolerate. You alright from last night?_

_**From Doumeki to Kurogane** _

_Yeah. A slight headache but that's nothing. You?_

_**From Kurogane to Doumeki** _

_Nothing bad…but I get the feeling that I blacked out at some point. When I woke up this morning, I wasn't wearing anything and there was a note that said 'I had a great time. Hope to do it again.' What the hell happened last night?_

_**From Doumeki to Kurogane** _

_Fai-sensei._

_**From Kurogane to Doumeki** _

_Huh?_

_**From Doumeki to Kurogane** _

_Fai-sensei was there and you two really hit it off. The last thing I saw before you left was you and Fai-sensei singing 'Pub and go' while clinging to each other. You both have red color on your cheeks._

_**From Kurogane to Doumeki** _

… _.Really?_

_**From Doumeki to Kurogane** _

_Yeah._

_**From Kurogane to Doumeki** _

_I'll get back to you later. Right now there's a certain blonde who I demand an explanation from._

_**From Doumeki to Kurogane** _

_Don't swallow it before you tasted it first._

_**From Kurogane to Doumeki** _

_Wait! What the f-!_

_**Phone has been disconnected** _

* * *

_**From Watanuki to Syaoran** _

_Hey Syaoran; long time no see. You feeling better now?_

_**From Syaoran to Watanuki** _

_Yeah. My fever just broke and I'm just relaxing. I'll be back to school in a couple of days._

_**From Watanuki to Syaoran** _

_That's good to hear. Sakura's getting worried about you but I assured her that you'll be alright soon enough._

_**From Syaoran to Watanuki** _

_Thanks. You're a lifesaver._

_**From Watanuki to Syaoran** _

_No problem. So…._

_**From Syaoran to Watanuki** _

_So what?_

_**From Watanuki to Syaoran** _

_So what happened to you to make you so sick?_

_**From Syaoran to Watanuki** _

_Oh nothing much. Just stood in the rain a bit too long._

_**From Watanuki to Syaoran** _

_Seriously? What possessed you to stand in the rain alone?_

_**From Syaoran to Watanuki** _

… _..I…uh…There was something that happened that I needed to get out of quick._

_**From Watanuki to Syaoran** _

_Like what?_

… _.._

_Wait…YOU DON'T MEAN…!_

_**From Syaoran to Watanuki** _

_Yeah…._

_**From Watanuki to Syaoran** _

_I KNEW there was something funny going on in the gym office…I thought they were fighting._

_**From Syaoran to Watanuki** _

_I thought so too….then I heard a moan._

_**From Watanuki to Syaoran** _

_Hey, if it makes you feel any better…I kinda got scared for life too. Maybe not in way that you were just in but something like that._

_**From Syaoran to Watanuki** _

_..._

* * *

_**From Syaoron to Yuui** _

_Hey Yuui, what's up?_

_**From Yuui to Syaoron** _

_Oh hi Syaoron, it's been good thanks. But right now, I've been in a bit of a pickle._

_**From Syaoron to Yuui** _

_Really? How come?_

_**From Yuui to Syaoron** _

_I've…..trapped myself in the ventilation docks_

_**From Syaoron to Yuui** _

… _..I think my next question would be…..why?_

_**From Yuui to Syaoron** _

_I….was…getting away from the craziness that is my brother and Yuuko and I had nowhere to run. I'm on the second floor with no way to walk and they were coming to the only way out so I panicked and took one of the vents out and climbed up. It was only a minute later that I realized …I'm an idiot._

_**From Syaoron to Yuui** _

_Yuui-sensei….do you want me to get Kurogane-sensei for you?_

_**From Yuui to Syaoron** _

_That would be nice, yes. And tell him one thing._

_**From Syaoron to Yuui** _

_What is it?_

_**From Yuui to Syaoron** _

_That I need a new pair of pants….badly._

_*CREAK*_

_Oh no._

_**From Syaoron to Yuui** _

_Huh? Yuui, what's wrong?_

_**From Yuui to Syaoron** _

_I think my weight on the ventilation is becoming too much…I think it'll-_

_*RIP*_

_*CRASH*_

"YUUI-SENSEI!"

* * *

Notice from Yuuko Ichihara:

The cooking classes will be canceled for the rest of the day. Yuui-sensei has experienced some major trauma this morning when the chemistry teacher and myself have come to check up on him. The cause of said trauma will remain undisclosed for the time being. However thanks to a certain student who will remain a secret , he was transported to the nearby hospital shortly after.

We regret the inconvenience and we hope you have a wonderful day at the academy.

Thank you.

* * *

**END**

* * *

Yes...I do like torturing Yuui. XD


	3. It's not what you think!

**  
It's not what you think!**

* * *

It was a bad idea from the start and Syaoran knew that.

But all he wanted was to get his lunch that he had forgotten while he left to go to the cafeteria.

So how did it end up like this?

* * *

[A bit earlier]

Syaoran was walking down the hallway towards the cafeteria with his friend Sakura and his older brother, Syaoron. They just left the science lab that one of their teachers teaches in. They were having fun along the way; talking and laughing and poking fun at each other.

"For the  _last time_  nii-san, I don't remember having that mistletoe implanted on my face." Syaoran retorted with a small smile.

Syaoron shrugged with a smirk. "Hey; don't blame me. I'm not the one who mistaken the wine for fruit punch. Honestly; it was miracle that you didn't throw up. For Kurogane-sensei; he was just glad you weren't using a random object as a soccer ball." He grinned as Syaoran jabbed him gently in the ribs.

Sakura giggled. "I thought Syaoran was very lively at the party. He even gave me a kiss on the cheek."

"Well—I—um…there was a mistletoe where we were standing!" Syaoran tried to defend himself. "I was only following tradtion on the plant on [Christmas](http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6604148/3/The-School-Records-of-Horitsuba) Eve and it would be rude not to!"

"Well that piece of tradition ended up on your face, lil' bro." Syaoron and Sakura shared a laugh as Syaoran was blushing like a bright tomato.

Upon reaching the doors of the cafeteria; Syaoran remembered something important. "Oh geez! I forgot my lunch in the classroom!"

"Again?" Syaoron teased. "That's the third time this week."

Sakura lightly frowned. "Oh dear. Do you want me to go get it for you?"

"Oh no." Syaoran blushed. "I'll…just get it myself." He started walking down the hall. "I'll meet you guys again in a minaute."

The girl waved Syaoran off with a smile. "Okay then~! We'll tell the group that you'll be there~!" As she dropped her hand, she glanced at Syaoron who had a knowing smile on his face. "Um…Syaoron…what's the matter?"

Syaoron turned to look at the girl. "Nothing. Just thinking is all."

"Uh…okay then."

* * *

[Science lab]

Syaoran walked into the room and looked around. "Huh, I guess Fai-sensei went out for lunch today; normally he'll still be here for lunch." He sighed. "I guess even teachers get tired of staying in one room all the time." He walked towards his desk which was right by the window on the left side. "Ah there it is!"

He picked up a paper brown bag that was lying on the floor at the foot of his desk. Tucking the bag under his arm; Syaoran started leaving the room. "Now then all I have to do is to go to the cafeteria and try that new recipe that Watanuki's been cooking this week and then after lunch…" He was so into his thoughts that he failed to notice that he was swaying to the side where a skeleton model was standing on.

"And then after school, I have soccer practice and once I get home…."

In a mere second, Syaoran's face came into contact with the skeleton. "Ack! What was th—"He paled. "Oh no; the skeleton model!" Thanks to his inability to keep his eyes open; he knocked into the model and in turn was swaying very violently. Thinking quick Syaoran grabbed the model (and in the meantime dropping his lunch) and tried to stand it correctly. But unfortunately, thanks to the dropped lunch, Syaoran accidentally stepped on it; thus losing his footing sending him and the model to the ground.

"Wait—what—AH!"

He and the model hit the tile floor rather hard; making the poor boy's face sting a bit. "Ow….why do these things happen to me?" He suddenly looked up. "Oh no! The skeleton! Is it alright!" Thankfully, the model didn't suffer any damage; and for the most part was perfectly inducted. Syaoran breathed a sigh of relief. "Oh thank goodness. I was worried that you would break and thus me having to explain to Fai-sensei why you have broken ribs." Out of the sheer moment; Syaoran closed his eyes and hugged the model.

* * *

But during that time….

* * *

"Gosh, Syaoran has been gone for a while now."

Himawari, Watanuki and Doumeki were walking down the hallway in screech of their slightly younger friend. The group was waiting for the boy to return but as time passed; they started getting worried so the trio decided to venture around and find him.

"I know." Watanuki agreed. "It's not like him to just ditch us like that."

"You know; he really didn't ditch us." Doumeki pointed out.

"I KNOW THAT YOU MORON! I'M JUST SAYING THAT IT'S FREAKING UNUSUAL; THAT'S ALL!"

Himawari laughed. "Oh you two. You're like the best of friends~!"

Watanuki sulked. "Himawari….."

* * *

Doumeki glanced up and saw the door to the science lab. "Hmm…." He then noticed that the door is slightly ajar. "Oh."

"'Oh' what, Doumeki?" Watanuki grumbled.

The stoic teen pointed to the door. "It's open."

"Do you think Syaoran's in there?" Himawari asked.

Watanuki huffed. "Well there's one way to find out!" He shoved Doumeki to the side. "Out of my way, Jerk." He violently pushed the door open. "Hey Syaoran are you in here? We were just wondering where….you…were?"As Watanuki got to look around the room his eyes fell to the tile floor where for some reason, Syaoran was laying right in front of him.

With the skeleton model….hugging it…..and smiling in pure bliss.

"Hey Watanuki; what's wrong?" When Himwari gently pushed Watanuki to see; she blushed. "…oh my."

As for Doumeki….he just looked. "Hey."

Syaoran blinked. "Huh?" He looked up and saw three of his older friends blushing at him. Well two of them were; Doumeki was itching to have a smirk on his face. Raising an eyebrow, he looked at his postion….then he too had a red face. "Um…I uh…..it's not what you think….?"

There was moment of silence.

Then….

"And here I thought Syaoran was finally getting some."

Three horrified faces looked over at Doumeki who for some reason kept his face straight. He glanced at them. "What?"

* * *

Unfortunately, word got around the school and eventually reached the staff about Syaoran's mishap and practically  _everyone_  found out.

Including….

* * *

"So Syaoran; is there something you like to tell me~?" Fai smiled at the mortified teen as he kept the student for after-school. "Or would you rather have your  _lovely friend_  tell me instead~?" He eyed the model which gave no respond in return.

Syaoran was beyond embarrassed.

"It's not what you think!"  _'Oh why wouldn't anyone believe me? I didn't do anything!'_

* * *

And that's how he was called the  _'Skeleton Molester'_  for a long period of time.

* * *

**END**

* * *

Freaky; I know but hey...nothing's normal at this day and age. XD


End file.
